he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There r osticjed everywhere
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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