He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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