before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
