i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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