Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
