it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize