Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
