Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
