Dual....:-)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
