Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
