oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
