i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
