Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
birth control should be required to get into college
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
