I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
