Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
