I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
