Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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