I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize