no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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