so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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