We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
