official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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