So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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