margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
