apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
