i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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