The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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