Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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