Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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