Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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