you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
