i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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