All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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