Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
