I wish my penis had an off switch
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize