My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
