I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
