I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
