Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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