He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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