The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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