Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
