Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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