my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
