Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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