Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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