I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize