I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
