I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
