I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
