I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
