If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
