she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
