I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize