shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize