He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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