I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
