Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
