just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
