It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
