Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize