She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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