We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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